Well, that's it. The results were out today and even though I have very little chance of making it, I've already kinda accepted it. Haven't been very accepting about the results but there's no use berating myself right? I've never ever wanted to be someone who thinks about 'what ifs' but then again this time round I couldn't help it. All I can say is I'm really really thankful for all the people who were there for me. Everyone, people who knew when I had my moments and knew when to call, people who were just there to listen and people whose words made so so much sense. Even people who I didn't really know before but got to recently...... its just nice and I don't know, today got me thinking that maybe things won't be so bad. I just have to look on the positive side because no matter what happens, I cannot give up on myself. I have to stay strong. Things will be fine. 

I think I'm falling more than I really should be

I Will.......

I always have trouble finding the perfect picture to start my post with so we'll just have to make do with these seven hearts. Oh look how apt, one for every day of the week.

So its again, after midnight and I'm wondering why do I always blog at such weird timings haha. But I was feeling ready and decided to jot down some of my resolutions, even though we're nowhere near January 1st.

From tomorrow on, I Will..............

#1. Exercise more
#2. Eat less
#3. Smile more to strangers (I mean hey how many times a day do you walk past someone whom you know rather well on some social networking site but have never felt dared to even maintain eye contact haha)
#4. Start voicing out my thoughts more as opposed to keeping them buried deep down inside
#5. Keep an open mind
#6. Be more relaxed
#7. Be more happy

Oh hey seven new resolutions too! Haha that was cool. Alriiiight time to turn in and face everything I've been avoiding for the past few days. Can't wait......... but wait resolution #5 haha okay this could turn out good. Someone wise and smart told me that no matter what we lose/gain from this entire JC journey, always appreciate the fact that you've become a hell lotta stronger haha how true.

G'night guys xx

Warm concrete

The last two days have been rather trying ones..... especially Friday it was so weird and bizarre I won't really go much into it aha. Let's just say it involved frantic phone calls, cabbing to a nearby hospital and leaving the place in a stranger's car h a h a h a. I kind of lost myself in my thoughts and you know when you're just drifting and feel so helpless and alone? I guess that was what I pretty much felt the whole of last week. But then again it's all in the mind and the battle is entirely within yourself. So every problem probably comes from taking things way too seriously..........Things will take a turn for the better when I start learning how to lighten up:) Well and there's the whole issue of promoting and all but I won't go into that.

Its 1 in the morning and I apologize for this weird post haha anyhow I've been spending post promos with the people I loveee; my exco, my two CLs, my girls and Winniekins (L) Crazy shit always happens when I'm with her I swear its like she's out to break every rule or something hahaha. Pictures up soon, and if you're already here reading this........................... why not click that little ad up there and earn me 20c yeah? 

Hehe thanks whoever you are, much love xx

God, what a rubbish post ha ha ha

Le Femme Nikita

Sigh guys so chem papers are gonna be returned tomorrow and I'm so worried........ I've been preparing myself for a U but I know no matter what, it'll still hit me. Ah whatever. Not ready at all. So many taxing issues on my mind. I've never ever seen myself look this horrid before in my entire life. I feel sad for myself :( I need to buck up and start persevering it'll be worth it, I need to start sleeping early too and I need to stop sinning and continue consuming less than 1200 cals a day because no matter how much I do it it'll never be enough. Zoee, please just wake the fuck up. Please
I don't get this feeling at all, I just feel extremely mixed up. It'll randomly hit me and set me thinking...... what am I doing? I'm looking for things to go my way I want some things but then again I honestly am not sure of what I want. I'm tired of having to think these thoughts, having to worry about every thing, tired of having to try and be someone I used to be.                                                                   I guess I'm tired. I know its something everyone says everyday and people call it whining but they don't know what is constantly going through my mind. No one knows and I just feel so frustrated I just want to end it all like I don't even know anymore? Weird thoughts pass through my mind everyday and I feel like I am one person that doesn't deserve to live. When I walk under flats sometimes I'll just will for the units to.....drop? When I cross roads I'll just want something to happen sometimes I desperately wish I can fall really really ill and maybe the lines defining reality will be blurred......I don't know. Then again I think of so many people out there in the world who deserve to live more than I do, but cannot and I feel guilty. In a heartbeat I will be willing to give them my life give them anything they want. I know of so many people hurting because of their loved ones and I think, why them and not me? After all, they definitely cherish life more than I do. They definitely deserve it more than I do. They don't do stupid things that screws their body up they don't set out to ruin everything. So definitely yeah, in a heartbeat I would be willing to trade. I have absolutely nothing to live for now there is no one or nobody I will miss leaving behind I just want to leave right now right this instant. Help 

I need someone who can hear me out, someone who doesn't judge. Someone. Anyone?