GEEZ I AM SO TIRED OF STUDYING like omfg I know everyone says this all the time but the idea of having another year and a half of stu-dying left before I stu-die some more, KILLS ME I am not even kidding okay I admit I do enjoy studying it's relaxing (no i'm not being sarcastic) and the sense of accomplishment you get when you compete something? Undescribable. B U T why do they have to screw it aaaaaalll up and measure your 'smartness' with stupid unnecessary redundant exams and redundant unnecessary stupid tests? Totally makes the entire process so unfavorable and completely unenjoyable. Sigh can I please study for the knowledge. Like reading for instance I love reading I am a book nerd YES and I love finding bits and pieces of new information that's what learning is to me :( I even love writing essays about themes of life which is basically what we do in Lit but the whole idea of following a structure just totally limits my flow and I can't even properly get what I want to say out. Geddit? Like we're being graded on our knowledge that's fine but once we acquire it you wanna grade us on how we put it across? Damn that's some shitty business right there.

Don't ask me what I want to do in the future. The very thought makes me want to leap up with excitement but also because of all the social barriers and the expectation to conform, makes me want to cower right back into my seat, picking gingerly through all the brochures and pamphlets and ultimately choosing the path that's the s a f e s t O M F G I swear to God that that will not be me

A R G H BACK TO STUDYING NOW THEN YAY RECURRENCE

I WILL SURVIVE THIS SHIT JUST W A T C H

Okay this is it I'm 10000% determined right now only lean protein vegetables fruit dairy no refined grains no sugar no carbs no nothing. I've been off clean eating for about a week now and I feels absolute shit like tired and even more whiny haha probably cause I feel so guilty hahahaha

I solemnly swear to myself if I eat anything wrong it's coming out I'm purging it out I really don't care if it's unhealthy or anything I just want to be t h i n

hole in the middle of her heart

Some photos I managed to shoot, nothing much I know
Particularly liked the first one though

when can I go away and escape too?
 what do I want to run away from I have no idea either

Sapphire and Faded Jeans

Okay so it's been waaay too long since I blogged haha. Been too busy or rather, too lazy omg and every time I actually sit down blogging it'll be when I'm in tears haha so it's good that I'm actually blogging now cause I feel like it yay. Hmm so........... okay I know I'm supposed to come up with interesting things that happen to me I mean so that in years to come I can like look back and be all nostalgic and stuff but geeeez what do I have to talk about haha haven't gone out in ages because all my friends are too busy studying(life) maybe I should study too I haven't even really sat down this year to study properly sheesh.

I need to
- Go out more
- Find a study partner that will make me sit my ass down and actually s t u d y
-Attempt to fall asleep by midnight so that I won't look an absolute wreck in the morn
-Eat less
-Run more
-Spend more time on Tumblr
-Be wary
-Learn how to enjoy being alone





because that's all I ever feel these days
just want someone there to assure me I'm not

I am so fucking tired okay even if I do well now I feel like it is expected and that if I don't, I'm letting everyone down. And weary and tired, I look into a mirror and I feel like setting myself on fire. F u c k why do I look the way I am why am I so weak and tired all the time, so talentless so lifeless even if I did want to do something with my life I can't. And I don't think I'll ever be good enough and you'll never see me that way so that's it I guess I don't want to care anymore I just wanna curl up in a corner and never wake up. Honest.

Hurricane

Life has been pretty fricking tough recently or since the last time I blogged anyways. So much has happened but so much hasn't too. Makes sense? I don't know. Everyday I'm just drifting along I don't even have the drive to continue studying anymore, let's not talk about even going to school. No reason no motivation no nothing. During the March hols it was just an entire week of cancelled plans due to the J2s being busy with their MBTs and I felt like shit :( I didn't even want to head out to study because who can I study with? Certainly not the  J2s as I won't even be able to help them and I'll..... I don't know just be wasting their time. It feels not long ago when I was one of them too :( :( Why is it so fucking difficult why why w h y can't I get over it???






And to the anonymous comments I've been receiving lately, thanks for these small words of encouragement it really does make me feel a whole lot better even though I'm anything but strong and you're right I was so close to not being here anymore.

on a Saturday night

Alright so, I just attempted baking again and I left my kitchen a floury mess and I took a shower and now I'm bundled in a dark room just chilling. What better way to waste away an hour or so by completing Tumblr questionnaires? Leggo~

1. Meaning behind my URL.

Well there really isn't a meaning to hellyeahpinkacid. I've just had it forever haha

2. One of my insecurities.

One? Well okay I think I have small eyes

3. What turns me on.

Hands down, guys who smell good hahaha

4. One of my bad habits.

I tend to..... fall asleep in the most inappropriate places e.g. classrooms, lecture theaters, toilets.........

5. Who I wish I could be.
Effy Stonem.

6. Where I want to be right now.
Gold Coast, walking down towards Surfer's Paradise with a surfboard in tow and a really cute instructor hehehe

7. The last thing I ate.
Apple Strudel omg I know sinful

8. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately.
okay omg I would say this guy from my school tho he isn't really but everyone's always saying that he is so.... y'know. But he's not hahahahahahahaaha. Okay la maybe a little.

9. What song I’m currently listening to.
Two Fingers - Jake Bugg

10. The last time I cried and why.
Yesterday when I was back in CCHMs. Saw my old math teacher and even though he was really nice about it, I could feel his disappointment and I couldn't stand it. Btw I didn't c r y I teared haha 

11. Something I’m excited about.
15TH MARCH F U N . 

12. 5 things I like about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.
I like that I'm into literature and indie stuffs because it's something I can actually find solace in. I like that I'm becoming more openminded. I like....... my hair. Sometimes. And I like that I have that ability to make such great friends. Oh and I like my Tumblr whoo.
I hate that I'm so darn lazy, I hate that I'm so weak and easy now. I hate that I care and I hate not being able to let go. I hate not being petite. I hate how much easier it was coming up with these 5 points than the previous 5

13. Three things I want right now.
Hot tea, more blankets and for you to be here next to me (clichéd I know)

14. Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?
Not currently but I was wearing this shark tooth one earlier on! Got it for myself and I absolutely love it cause it was from Auzzieee

15. How long was your last phone conversation?
A few seconds when my mum called and I was in Topshop's changing room hahaha. Imagine my horror and embarrassment when my phone suddenly went "HI WE'RE ONE DIRECTION". Okay I know that's real dorky don't judge. 

16. What are you looking forward to?
Going out with the family for brunch tomorrow yay

17. Did you get anything off your chest today?
Nah

18. How many rings do you usually wear?
1?

19. Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation?
California! I'm so so much more of a Cali girl omg the sun sand and the summer

20. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?
Joggers! They're so comfy whoo

21. Do you call it fall or autumn?
Autumn. Although over here in Singapore it's just...... meh.

22. Are you an emotional person?
Oh hahaha you don't know the half of it

23. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from?
It could be from anyone! None of us are really the sleep-before-midnight kinds

24. Do you like long car rides?
Totally! Love them.

25. Do you have an adult you can talk to about anything?
Nope

26. Last time you saw your dad?
Uhm....5 days ago?

27. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Don't think so hahaha.

28. Do you do your own laundry?
Nah

29. Would you like the ability to read minds?
Not really

30. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
Yeah

31. You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you?
Yeah

32. What will you be doing in five years?
Refer to this hahaha

34. Last 2 people to text you?
Maxine and Nicole!

35. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
Kinda? Well okay I have bigdreamswayupthere career, my hmmokayIcouldstillenjoydoingthis idea and my damnthingsdidntworkoutsothisismyfallbackplan.

36. Do you like to cuddle?
Yessssss hehe come over we can watch movies and drink cocoa and fall asleep together 

37. When angry, do you get loud or quiet?
It really depends. If you pissed me off because you were being a bitch then ohhoh watch out

38. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?
Nope

39. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
YES! :)

40. How’s your hair right now?
Up in a messy bun hahaha

Alright that's about it but omg I'm so tired I guess you can tell from my answers towards the end haha. Oh maaan it's really cold and my fingers are really numb and I just wanna fall asleep right now but I also really wanna Tumblr so yeah I shall do that while listening to the most amazing new indie playlist I found on 8tracks it's so amaze balls okay waitI I'm rambling on again bye guys love you xxx