Hellyeahpinkacid

So this is technically almost after As and I'm having such a bad bad night. I'm going to try out it all in words in a bid to alleviate these negative feelings

So I went for CHVRCHES yesterday it was great but today I just slunk into this mood where things got progressively worse and worse. I felt so inadequate and then I start striking out and pushing these feelings away like I've never been one for self-pity I HATE it it's weak as fuck and so is victimizing yourself. But as the night went on I just felt worse and worse because there is so so much out there that I haven't been exposed to and I am undeniably, in the simplest terms, fucking inadequate. Jack of all trades, master of none but heck, I have like zero trades I'm basically tradeless almost.

I'm not who I want to be. Just dawned on me that my entire existence has been kind of a sham...... Being so sheltered it's edging on feeling claustrophobic. Is it too late? 

And yesterday..... How could I even match up I'm no where cool enough it got me thinking. It's ridiculous I don't even know the guy but it just. set. me. off is this a taste of what's to come because I am fucking unprepared.

 I don't want to exist as me anymore and it's time to change that I just need the fucking strength to 

Lesser of such nights where I'm reduced into a mess of tears and self-doubt mingled that's all I want